Guest post: A letter to my son

Photo source: Heidi Gregory

In our work in the La Trobe Science of Language and Reading (SOLAR) Lab, my colleague Professor Tanya Serry and I have contact with a number of parent advocates who campaign tirelessly for the ear of government and other policy-makers, in order to achieve system change, and importantly, accountability on how reading is taught to our children. One such advocate is the indefatigable Heidi Gregory, the founder of Dyslexia Victoria Support. In this guest blogpost, Heidi shares a letter to her son that no parent should ever have to write. That this letter was written nearly 20 years after our National Inquiry into the Teaching of Literacy speaks of major dereliction of duty on the part of policy-makers and other leaders, across systems and jurisdictions.

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My Darling Son,

As I look back over the last decade, my heart swells with the memories of our journey—one filled with love, pain, and relentless determination. There’s something I feel I need to share with you, as it has shaped so much of who I’ve become as your mother and as an advocate.

Recently, I stumbled upon an old book on our shelf, Reading Begins at Home by Butler and Clay, published in 1979. It’s a book I’ve had for years, but in all honesty, I never realised the weight it carried until now. In it, I found this passage:

“We believe that all parents have their children’s future largely in their hands. So much development has already taken place before children enter school that the teacher’s role can be viewed as only supplementary to what has gone before at home.”

Such a simple statement, yet it has shaped the thinking of parents, educators, and even entire education systems for decades. This belief—that parents are responsible for teaching their children to read before school—led me, and so many others, down a painful path. I thought it was my job, and for years I carried the burden of that misconception. But now, with the clarity of hindsight, I see how devastatingly wrong that belief is.

You may not know this, my darling son, but for ten long years, I’ve fought to understand why our education system held onto such outdated, harmful ideas. I’ve come to realise that the belief "It’s the parents' responsibility to teach their child to read" has been passed down through generations, echoed carelessly by commentators, media, and even educators. This dangerous myth has put enormous pressure on untrained, unprepared parents like me while leaving teachers ill-equipped with outdated information. It was never our job alone.

I’m so sorry, my dear. Your school failed you during your foundational years. They left you to struggle through endless Reading Recovery sessions and useless weekly spelling tests when what you really needed was proper instruction in how to decode words and skills in phonemic awareness. Those classes didn’t teach you to read, spell or write like your friends, and it broke my heart to watch you fight through it. We spent thousands of dollars on interventions outside of school, changed schools, and fought for the support you deserved.

This wasn’t just our battle—so many families have lived the same nightmare. I know that you, too, felt the weight of that struggle. I wish I could take it all away. But instead, I promise you this: I will continue to fight.

In fact, that fight led me to establish, Dyslexia Victoria Support, a parent advocacy group that now has over 10,800 members. I couldn’t bear the thought of other families going through what we did. Through our group, we’ve heard story after story of parents made to feel responsible for their children’s reading struggles; all because of deeply ingrained beliefs that never should have been.

I remember crying as I listened to Emily Hanford’s podcast Sold a Story. For the first time, I heard someone speak the truth—Reading Recovery is based on a theory by Dame Marie Clay that doesn’t hold up under scrutiny. This theory, and programs like it, left so many children—yourself included—feeling like failures when the truth was that the system had failed them.

My darling, you are not a failure. You never were. It’s the system that failed to teach you to read and spell in the way you needed, and for that, I am so, so sorry. I regret every moment of stress or pressure you endured.

I’ve spent years trying to understand why this happens, and I recently came across a powerful blog by Pamela Snow, Calling time on parent-blame and children’s reading success. Her words struck a deep chord with me. She so clearly articulates how damaging this cycle of parent blame has been. We were told it was our responsibility to teach you to read, and when you struggled, we were left feeling guilty, like it was somehow our fault. But it never should have been. I encourage you to read it if you ever need to understand the weight of this journey we’ve been on.

From the moment I realised you were struggling and not getting the help you needed, I’ve been fighting for you. And I’m not just fighting for you—I’m fighting for all children who deserve a fair chance to learn to read. Recently, I shared our story with politicians during a Legislative Assembly Inquiry into the state of education in Victoria. I’ve spoken to journalists, educators, and anyone who will listen, all in the hope that no other family has to go through what we did.

I know that you’ve felt the weight of this fight, and I want to thank you for your patience, your courage, and your resilience. I am endlessly proud of you, and I will always be here for you—no matter what. Together, we will continue to push for change.

My love, this battle is not over. But I will fight it for you, for your children, and for every child who needs a champion. And I will make sure that when you become a parent, your children—my grandchildren—will have a strong literacy and numeracy foundation. I will not rest until we ensure that all children, no matter their background, have the chance to learn to read well. Until then, this national tragedy will continue.

With all my love,
Mumma

(C) Heidi Gregory & Pamela Snow (2024)